If I’m Going to Be Alone, I’d Rather Be Alone…

Jan 30, 2026 | Transhuman / Security | 0 comments

How technology taught us to coexist without truly connecting

I am 51 years old. I’ve spent most of my life immersed in technology; as a hacker, a transhuman, and someone who genuinely believes technology can elevate the human condition. I don’t fear technology. I don’t reject it. I’ve literally integrated it into my body.

But lately, I’ve been forced to confront a quieter, more uncomfortable truth.

We’ve never been more connected, and never more distant from one another.

I remember when families shared a single screen. The television wasn’t just entertainment; it was a shared experience. We laughed at the same moments, argued about characters, and talked during commercials. The screen was a focal point, but the people in the room were the point.

Today, even in the same house, that shared space has fractured. One person is watching YouTube. Another is scrolling TikTok. Another is streaming Netflix. Another is answering messages. We are together physically, but mentally scattered across different digital worlds.

We don’t watch together anymore. We coexist.

And this isn’t just nostalgia talking.

Research consistently shows that increased time on social media and digital platforms is associated with higher levels of emotional disconnection and perceived social isolation, even when users believe they are maintaining relationships online.¹

This is the part that’s hardest to admit. The tools we use to stay in touch are often the very things replacing the conditions that create real connection in the first place.

This Isn’t a Kids’ Problem. It’s an Everyone Problem.

It’s comforting to believe this is a teenage issue. It isn’t.

Large portions of adults report feeling socially disconnected or lacking meaningful emotional support, across all age groups.² ³ The World Health Organization recognizes social isolation and social disconnection as serious public health risks affecting people throughout their entire lives.⁴

I see it in my own life.

I can spend an entire day interacting with screens. Messages. Feeds. Documents. Videos. Work. At the end of the day, I realize I’ve communicated constantly and connected almost not at all.

I didn’t talk to anyone in a way that required presence. I didn’t share space with anyone in a way that required attention. I didn’t experience anything that couldn’t have happened through glass and pixels.

That’s a strange realization for someone who has spent decades helping build and live inside these systems.

We’ve become extraordinarily efficient at exchanging information. We’ve become increasingly bad at being together.

The Psychological Cost of Living at a Distance

Disconnection isn’t just uncomfortable. It’s a health concern.

Public health research links prolonged social isolation and emotional detachment with increased risk for depression, anxiety, chronic stress, poor sleep, and cognitive decline.⁴ ⁷ Digital habits that replace in-person interaction are strongly associated with worse mental health outcomes.⁶

Chronic social disconnection is also associated with increased risk of serious physical health outcomes, including cardiovascular disease and premature mortality.⁴

What makes this more complicated is that when people feel emotionally depleted or disconnected, they often reach for the easiest available distraction.

A screen.

We scroll because we’re tired.
We scroll because we’re bored.
We scroll because we’re stressed.
We scroll because we don’t quite know what else to do.
And slowly, almost invisibly, scrolling replaces the conditions that might have actually made us feel better.

To be clear, technology isn’t the villain. It saves lives. It creates communities. It gives voices to people who would otherwise never be heard. I am living proof of how powerful it can be.

But somewhere along the way, we started replacing presence with proximity and connection with consumption.

What We’re Actually Losing

We’re not just losing time.
We’re losing shared moments.
We’re losing unstructured conversations.
We’re losing the silence that used to lead to thought.
We’re losing boredom that once led to creativity.
We’re losing eye contact, physical presence, and the subtle emotional signals humans exchange when they occupy the same space.
We’re trading depth for convenience and intimacy for efficiency.
And almost without noticing, that trade is reshaping what it means to be human.
Which brings me back to the line that’s been rattling around in my head:

“If I’m going to be alone, I’d rather be alone.”

Because there is something uniquely empty about being alone together.

How Do We Reconnect in a Permanently Connected World?

This isn’t about abandoning technology. It’s about intentional use.

It’s about deciding, consciously, when technology serves our relationships and when it quietly replaces them.

Here are practical, realistic places to start.

No Phones at Meals

Make meals a device-free zone.

Not mostly. Not unless it’s important. Actually, put the phones down.

Meals used to be one of the last daily rituals of shared presence. Reclaiming even one meal a day as human-only time changes the emotional tone of a household faster than almost anything else.

Bring Back Shared Experiences

Create a family or household watch night.

Everyone watches the same thing. Together. In the same room.

The content matters far less than the shared reference point. You’re rebuilding something simple but powerful: experiences that can be talked about later, laughed about later, remembered together.

Shared stories build shared identity.

Use Technology to Limit Technology

Ironically, our devices already know when we’re overusing them.

Tools like Apple Screen Time, Android Digital Wellbeing, and apps like Freedom, RescueTime, Opal, and Forest can show you where your time actually goes and help you set boundaries when usage becomes compulsive rather than intentional.⁵

You don’t have to quit technology. You just have to stop letting it decide for you.

Replace Some Screen Time With Presence

Not all of it. Just some.
Take a walk with someone.
Sit outside together.
Have a slow conversation.
Do something slightly boring in the same space.
Boredom is often where connection sneaks back in.

Ask the Hard Question

Before you reach for your phone, ask yourself:
Am I using this to connect, or to avoid something?
That single question changes behavior more than any app ever will.

The Choice in Front of Us

We are building the future of humanity in real time. Some of us, myself included, are literally merging with our technology. But augmentation without intentional humanity isn’t evolution. It’s just efficiency.

If we don’t protect presence, shared experience, and real connection, we won’t lose them all at once. We’ll just wake up one day and realize we optimized ourselves out of being human.

And if I’m going to be alone, I’d rather be alone than alone with everyone.

Author Bio

Len Noe is a transhuman hacker, international cybersecurity speaker, and technical evangelist with over two decades of enterprise security experience. A retired 1% motorcycle gang member turned ethical hacker, Len now uses his unique perspective, augmented with 11 implanted microchips, to raise awareness on the convergence of human augmentation, cybersecurity, and the future of digital identity.

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